7 Weeks

Not much is new this week. I have been feeling so crappy lately. And I know it's my fault. I feel crappy and don't want to eat / afraid to throw up so I don't eat and then I just feel worse because I haven't eaten. It's so hard to work. I am having to eat every 2 hours and I have no appitite for anything. Which is hard to do at work because I can't really just bring a sandwhich (or 3) because I have no where to refridgerate them. So I have to bring snacks and they don't really help. Plus I have been needing to go shopping and I haven't yet because I just don't feel up to it. And we have no food in the house. I made rice and was so excited to eat it yesterday. I put just a bit of butter in it and sat down to eat it. Once I stuck it in my mouth I felt so sick. The butter must have been bad because it was so freakin nasty and gross. I didn't know butter could go bad. We haven't had it for very long. I have been needing to do so much and just haven't felt like doing anything. It's too hot outside during the day (and with our car being worse while the air is on and it's hot outside I haven't been driving very much) and I just haven't been in the mood to do anything. I've gotten a few migraines and those are so horrible. Before I cold take migraine meds and that would help a little bit but now I can't take anything and I just have to work through them and wait till I can go home and sleep it off. Ugh... So miserable.
My emotions have kicked in hard. Today I started to break down (in my room while Wade's friends were over) because I was watching a show on tv and they had so much food at their picnic and everything looked so good and I just wanted to be able to eat something and not feel sick. Haha. I starting crying to Wade and couldn't stop myself. He went out and bought me some fruit and a sandwhich. Which were so horrible. I felt bad. I didn't tell him how bad it was. It may just be my taste buds. But the fruit was nasty and the sandwhich tasted funky. He even bought me provolone because he wasn't sure if that was provolone on the sandwhich (which is what I wanted). I felt bad. I probablly won't be able to eat any more of it.
And one last thing. I don't remember if I said this earlier but Wendy (Wade's mom) was weird about us having a bottle. We had told her that we had already gotten something for the baby and that my mom had bought us a bottle. And she says ,"Well I hope you won't have to us it." Exactly like that. I plan on bottle feeding. I always have even when I was younger. I always knew I would. So that just pisses me off so bad. Wade I guess didn't really hear that. Today Wendy told Wade his great grandma Marine has breast cancer. That is the 3rd person on that side that has gotten it. And Wendy tells Wade "So make sure Ambria breastfeeds." ??? What does that even have to do with his great grandma having breast cancer. He tells me this and I am like Why is she trying to push me to breastfeed so bad. And I guess he didn't hear her when she said it last time. And now I am really pissed that she keeps trying to push it so hard. Wade even told her my situation and she still was trying to think a way around it. So she's trying to convince Wade to convince me to do it. I mean seriously! I hate when people try to push their opiniuns down my throat. It's fine when I ask you for advise but don't go out of your way to push it down my throat. It's my life. Just let me do what I need to do and leave if at that. I am just glad that my mom is more understanding. (that our whole family is actually) I wouldn't be able to deal with it if my family was trying to push that down on me too. And it's always people who don't know my situation that do it. And they don't care "what kind of excuses" we "try to make up". And hello!! If Wade can't find a job when this baby is born it's going to be me who's going back to work. How can I breastfeed while I am at work all crazy hours of the week? It's not like I can take a break for 15 minutes and pump. I don't even get lunch breaks! Sorry I am just ranting now.
So that's what my week has been like. I need to get my window fixed, get a saftey, and get new tags on my car before the end of the month. I hope this won't cost us too much. I don't have much money to do this.