It has been forever since I last updated. Last year was pretty crappy and I am hoping this year will be better.
Things to look forward to this year:
Kubrick being born : )
Moving into our own apartment
Our 4 year anniversary
Birthdays/Holidays (Will be so much funer with Kubrick here)
Being a mom/starting our family
Getting my first tattoo
Visiting Cali after Kub is born to see all the great great grandparents : )
That’s about it. I would love to move out of town but I don’t think we would ever do this. I need my job and my family. I get horribly depressed without them near me. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t visit them whenever I wanted.
Things I am NOT looking forward to this year:
Dealing with James and the divorce. I hope that he doesn’t come down to visit. I will not talk to him anymore. I refuse. What he did to us was so messed up and no parent in there right mind would do this crap to their kids and future grandkids.
Having to jump back into work and not being able to be a stay at home mom. That is going to be so hard for me. I really want to be able to stay with him every day and raise him myself but I know I can’t do that. I am all ready protective of him and I don’t trust anyone except Mom to watch him. I DO NOT want to have to leave him with Wendy. I will not let Holly watch him when I am not there. (Excpesially now that I know she is into drugs) I don’t want to take him to daycare. I don’t want to do any of this but I know I will have to compromise and give in somewhere so at least he is being watched by someone I know. I am really hoping that I get paid leave for at least a week or two so I can at least bond a little bit with him. If not, I will have to go straight back into work as soon as I can. I am going to have to work something out with my work so maybe I can work part time from home and do part time at work or work shorter hours during the week and work and extra day on Saturday so I can work during the day/morning while Wade is with him and have Wade go into work later in the day so at least he would be with one of us. Ugh so much to straighten out! I guess we will see how everything works out.
Having to let Wade’s grandpa see Kubrick. It sounds horrible but as most of you know he has Hepatitis C and doesn’t ever think about what he is doing. While we were living with him he would take a bite of his food and then hand it to Wade and said, “Here, try some.” Or one time he cut his hand and went to the kitchen sink (that had dirty dishes in it) to wash off his blood. Luckily we never got it because we knew not to do that and we were able to say “No, that’s okay. I am not in the mood for that food.” Or “You should wash your bloody hand in your bathroom.” Kubrick obviously can’t do that for himself and I am just so worried about Dave giving him it. When he comes down to visit, he always leaves his cups everywhere and eats off his food and leaves it on the table and ugh. He is just nasty and I don’t want anything bad to happen to Kub. If anything were to happen I would kill him very much.
Being fat and having to lose all this weight I’ve gained.
Having people push their religion down our throats or try to do it to Kub. That is something I worry about when he starts getting older. I DO NOT want anyone trying to tell him how to grow up or tell me how to raise my child. I know Wade’s family will do this. (Mainly his mom and grandpa) I want to do things on my own and raise him the way I want to raise him, not the way other people tell me to. If I need advice I will come to you.
Things I hope will happen this year:
Wade will either get a much better job or he will become full time and get a very big pay increase so I am not the one taking care of this family.
Kub, Wade, and I (and the rest of the family) will be healthy. I hope that Kub will be a healthy strong little guy and nothing is wrong with him. I worry about this a lot.
We will be financially okay. I worry about this day to day. I hope we can provide Kubrick with the best possible life and that we can pay all of our bills and still have food to eat.
Well that is about it I think. I hope we can survive this year better than we did last year.
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4 comments:
Yeah, that is a lot to look forward to, but a lot to worry about as well!!! I really don't know how you can do it. It's a bummer, b/c I remember when you and Wade were dating and you told him several times that you wanted to be a stay at home Mom when you had kids and he totally supported it...said he'd do anything he needed to to make it work. But....I do like that Kubrick will be with family when he's not with you. I will bet your work will give you at LEAST 2 weeks. I can't believe that they wouldn't...THEY BETTER!!! I'm so excited for him to enter the world. And wait...you wouldn't trust me to watch him??? I mean, obviously not during the day kuz I'm busy...but not here and there?
Oh, and tell me...what in the world did James do that was so bad lately? You were more on his side before...did something happen?
Sorry that things are a little crazy. I hope that Wade can get a full time job and increase in pay too!!! I also didn't know that it was FOR SURE that Holly was on drugs! Dang!
Well I'm sure they will give me 6 weeks off but my paycheck pays all the bills. I can't afford to not get paid for longer than a week. So it all depends on if I get paid leave or no. If yes, then I am going to stay with him as long as possible if not then I have to go back as soon as possible. Sucky so bad!!! Oh and of course I trust you to watch him silly. I trust MY family. Just not his. James didn't pay a single bill last month. The bills were due before we moved in to the house and I think he expected us to pay for them. Which is stupid but he didn't even pay the morgage. So Wendy got past due bills for the utilities so she had to go sell stuff so nothing would get shut off on us. Well James calls the gas comp and tells them that them he is kicking out his tenants that are currently living in the house and to shut off the gas. So we get a notice on the door that says we are turning off the gas on this day due to eviction. Ugh. Wade and him kind of got into it a little bit before because James was saying how we shouldn't pay our doctor bill we should pay the car payment first so we won't ruin his credit. He said we shouldn't pay anything on a kid that's not even born yet that the car payment is more important. Lame. So when the gas thing happened Wade flipped. I put him on a block list and Wade won't talk to him. I also think he stole our gun. And just so much more. I am sick of him. And right now I don't want him in our lives. Well that was a novel. Sorry!
=) So funny! I wrote a novel too! =) It was so good to see you and have you there as we walked around the track. SOrry that things have been SO crazy lately! Hopefully it will get better. Love ya!
I think this coming year will be both good and bad, but like they say at Home Depot- "You can do it, We can help".
Love, Dad
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