I babysat for Britin yesterday and when I showed up Britin told me something Devin told her. (remember he's only 4) "Mom, when I grow up, I want to marry Ambria." How cute is that? It was a good day with them. Devin's friend showed up so that kept him busy while I was taking care of Emery. She wasn't too fussy. She's getting so big! She can crawl and pull herself up on things. She would get frustrated with her self if she couldn't stand up by herself. She went down easy with a half of a bottle so me and Devin watched Star Wars The Clone Wars. (cartoon movie) and we were playing with his sword pretending they were light sabers. I think I am going to get a bruise on my spine. He kneed me so hard! It hurt so bad. I can acctually still feel where he kneed me. It's probablly bruised right now. : |
I'm upset and disappointed. And frustrated. And that's pretty much everything in my life right now.

Crappy, Whiny, and Boring. Warning: don't read unless you want to hear a lot of boring complaining stuff

I have been feeling so crappy lately! I have been so sick! I am having migranes, cramps, muscle aches, plus all this sickness stuff (sore throat, stuffy/runny nose, drained, etc.) plus on top of all that I have been so nauseous all the time and I'm getting hot and cold sweats! I feel fine one second and then the sickness comes back and I have to sit down for a few minutes until it goes away again. Then it keeps repeating it all day long. I am so sick of it! I wish my body would just make up it's mind. If I'm going to feel naueous, then let mejist feel that way the whole time or atleast until I can throw up. But jumping back and forth from fine to sick is killing me. It took me more than 30 minutes to eat 5 chicken nuggets and some fries today. (My friend from work bought me dinner. How sweet huh?) I wish this stupid sickness would just go away all ready! I can't stand feeling this way any longer!!! Any tips on getting rid of sickness fast? This is wearing my body down and I have NO energy to do anything. I just want to sleep!!!! Sorry it's a whinny post. Again.

Wade's been going out almost everyday to look for work. And still no sign of anyone hiring. I don't know how much longer we ( no I ) can stand it.
I am sorry. I just am feeling so sick and tired. I really just want to go to bed and I know that when I get home I am just going to have to wake up in a few hours to come right back to work. I have so much to do and I haven't been able to get any of it done. I really need to wash like 10 batches of clothes really bad! My one last work shirt I flung into the shower as it was running so it got soaked : ) and so I had to wear something dirty today. Don't ask me how or why I did that. It was an accident I swear. Any way. Nothing else is going on. I didn't get as much money as I thought I would this last pay check somthat bums me out. I got these awesome games for the iPod. One is Lemonade Tycoon. That one is so fun!!! It's like Roller coaster tycoon but instead of roller coasters there are lemons (well obviously) the other one is called tap defense. Britt would love it. You set up your defenses around the board and you want to stop the bad guys from reaching the end other wise you'll loose the game. It gets harder as you go and you upgrade your towers/weapons. Anyway, it's really fun. I think it heats up it iPod so I can't play it for very long. I was playing it last night and my iPod got really hot in one corner and that's never happened to me before so I had to stop playing it. Well, it's a boring post. Sorry.

Freaking Out

I've been freaking out lately about money and about Wade not being able to find a job. Last week they made the new schedules for this month and they cut my hours down to 4 days a week. I went crazy and have been so upset for these past couple of days. Wade's job that he got fell through and they lied to him about a lot of stuff. Mostly his pay though. So I really freaked out tonight. No where in town is hiring and I am so moody and upset. I got to work tonight and found out that they messed up on the schedule. Darwin's son did it and that's why I was only on for 4 days. (I think. When I saw the schedule he was here and I was like "I'm going to have to find a second job now. I can't live off 4 days a week.") I'm not sure if that's the reason or if it was really that they waned me on full time. Either way I am so happy. That takes off a lot of stress. Plus if I did my calculations right, I am going to be making an extra $123 (before taxes) for all the walk ins I've done. I really hope we get that extra money! I would be so happy!!! I am going to start being smart about money that way we aren't feeling like we are stressing pay check to pay check.
I've been watching Tegan lately. He is one of the cutesy little babies I've ever seen. Today he was wearing a blue polo with his collar popped. It was so cute! He looked like a little pimp (JK). I wish I could put pictures on here. He is a cute little Samoan baby. He is getting so big and can say Momma and Dadda. Today he was saying Dadda all the time. Every time I would hold him or he would just look around the apartment. It was so cute. It scares me though. Well not that but the idea of having a baby. There's times where I feel so ready and I can handle anything. And then I just start thinking about all the things that can go wrong and all the late nights and it scares the crap out of me. I don't know if I'm ready but I want one so bad. I'm having mixed emotions. I don't know what to do. I am thinking about waiting longer before we try. But then I think, when am I ever going to be ready? No matter what age I am I am still going to have to deal with the things that come with a baby. I'm still going to have long nights when I'm 25. At least now I am use to it with these night shifts. I know Wade's going to me a great dad. He kept making Tegan laugh and laugh and would cheer him up when he was getting fussy. He tells me about when he goes over to John's house and how he holds his son and he falls asleep on Wade. Tonight he was watching his kids for a little bit because John had to run and do something. I am so confused about it all.
So the good news is I've quit smoking. I haven't smoked for almost a week. The bad news is that I freaked out to night and smoked. Just once but I feel so nasty and crappy. It's the last time! I can't handle that any more. It's way too expensive!!! They've been raising the price of all the ciggs in Utah so it's rediculous to even do it any more.
Well every one needs to update!! I get so bored at work. All I do is look and Yahoo Answers. You can only handle so much of that. There are some pretty stupid people on there.

Uggh..

So we went up to Cedar on Monday and came home on Wednesday. It was okay. I thought it was going to be more relaxing. We first met up with Colin and hung out for about an hour or less and then Wade left with him and I watched tv. They came back and we went swimming with Phil. (another friend) That was okay. I felt akward around them though because I don't know how to swim and because I was the only girl. We were throwing a lighter around in the pool and Phil threw it at this metal rack and it blew up. It was so cool. Then Wade and I go back to Phils house and watch a movie till about 4 in the morning. I was so tired!!
The next day, I slept!!! For about 11 hours. Wade met up with colin and colin made him breakfast. I am so glad I decided to sleep though. It had 2 packs of bacon, 1 carton of jumbo eggs, 2 cloves of garlic, and 1 big onioun. Nasty! Wade got so sick from that later that night. Plus he smelt like it all day. Anyway, spencer and john came up and we went to phils house and had a BBQ. That was fun. We came back to the hotel and swam for a little bit but then got kicked out.
I had the hardest time falling asleep that night. I didn't get to sleep until like 6 am I think. The peoe below us left their bathroom fan on all day and night and the noise was driving me nuts. I turned the air down to as low as it would go just so I didn't have to hear their noise. So I was getting hot and cold flashes (and I am getting that today too) so I only had my sheet on me. So I would be freazing while the air is on, but super hot once it turned off. So yeah, that last night was miserable. Oh well. Overall it was pretty good.

I have had the worst migraine today. I woke up with it and then I slept for 2 hours and it was still there. So I got ready for work and still had 30 minutes before I had to leave so I tried to take another nap. I almost fell asleep but Wade came home and woke me up and I couldn't really sleep. So I've been throwing up all day and night. I feel so much better right now though. I brought my 7up and crackers withe to work and I have been able to keep about 5 crackers down. Tomorrow all I am going to do is sleep! Which I am so excited about. Uggh.... I am so tired. I only have 3 more hours to go and then I'm done! Only 3 more hours....

Super Catch Up

I am so excited. I get 2 days off in a row on Monday and Tuesday. Yay!!! We might go down to Cedar if we can afford it. I am thinking about staying in a hotel just so I can feel like I am having a vacation. : ) Luckily if we do decide to stay, we can get a huge deal since I work at a hotel. The one perk of having this job. I should be getting a pay raise (hopefully if Darwin didn't "forget") plus he said one night that he was going to give me an extra $1 for every walk in and reseravation I did that night. And I got a whole bunch of walk ins so hopefully I made some good money this pay check. And I think I had some over time too. Yay!

Just a question, who else had to pay money to either the state or to the government for their taxes this year? Everyone I talked to has had to pay this year. (except one Mexican who acctually got back more money than anyone I know) That frustates me!!

So Kali and I looked at these town homes a few days ago and I am completely in love with them. If Kali decides to get one I am going to be so jealous. I am going to have to come over every day. ; ) I wish we made more money so we could afford one. (P. S. Kali, Wade told me the other townhomes that you really liked: they have the kitchen and living room upstairs. So that would be kind of weird. I don't think I would buy a town home like that. That would be such a hassle just to go get a glass of water).

This next week I am going to be working night shifts EVERY day for 5 days straight. Which sucks for my sleeping schedule. But I don't mind acctually working at night. I would prefer this to the mid-day shifts. I just need my sleep and it's so hard for me to fall asleep as the sun is coming up and the people above us are jumping up and down on the floor. Ugh. The people above us are SO loud!! I swear they are meth or coke addicts because I hear them every single hour of every day. I don't think they sleep at all. That's the bad thing about being in a down stairs appartment.

I am going to go I think. I am ready to watch Doubt. I'll let you know if you should watch it. Oh, a must watch/own is 7 pounds. It's such a great movie. I think everyone would enjoy it, even Dad. Well I will update later this week and let you know how my mini vacation went. (If we decide to go.)

I have been driving myself nuts this past week. I am stressed out, emotional, cranky, and just worn out. I don't know if it's from my crazy sleeping schedule or if it's from stress or what. I just feel so drained. I have no energy through out the day. Which is weird because I shouldn't be. On my normal days I get anywhere from 8-12 hours of sleep. And I am tired again half way through the day. I have been up and down all week long. I'll go from super happy to horribly pissed off for no reason. I feel bad for Wade because it's driving him nuts too. I really just need a few days to sleep and relax. I am nervous and my emotions have been all over the place. My whole body is aching. I don't know if it's because I am tired at work and every things just bugging me or what but I am just in a whinny mood right now sorry.
I had a really fun day today and I was SO excited to see Nan and the fam. The kids weren't shy this time at all. Emma warmed up to me so fast. She started talking to me right away. Zack was a little shy at first (like normal) but he opened up pretty quick. It made me SO happy when we went to the park and all the kids knew my name. I know that sounds dumb but at first one of the kids said something that sounded like my name but I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not. But I kept hearing it and I realized that they were saying my name. I didn't think they remembered (or even knew) my name because I am not around much. But it made me so happy that all of them were wanting me to play with them and stuff. I was suprized that Zack opened up to me so much. He's usually very shy towards me and will stick next to Daddy or Mommy or run away when I try to play with him or talk to him.
Wade's family bought a whole bunch of candy and they gave me some of my favorites. : )
Wade came to visit me tonight and that totally made my day so much better. He usually will try to get out of visiting me by saying he's too tired or whatever but I told him I was so tired and angry and he said "I'll come bring you an energy drink. I'll be right there." He just got up and left. That made me so happy. Like I said, I am on an emotional roller coaster so I think the world of all this small stuff.
I wish I didn't have to work this weekend that way I could have spent more time with the family. I miss playing board games and just having a good time with everyone. I am so tired. I need to go walk around.

Nothing New

There's not much going on here. Wade and I have decided to start trying for a baby once he finds a job. Which I am so super excited about. I am trying not to get my hopes up yet because I have a feeling like I am going to have a hard time getting pregnant. But I am just excited about the idea of having a baby! Work sucks like normal. I normally work Monday 3-11, off Tuesday, Wednesday 3-11, off Thursday, Friday,Saturday, and Sunday I work the night shifts 11-7 and so on my days off I usually sleep most of the day trying to catch up on lost sleep from the weekend or trying to rest up before the weekend. So I feel like I don't have any real time off. Whatever though I am just glad I have a job and we are not out on the streets with all the crazy homeless people. There isn't really anything going on in my life. I wish there was. My life is pretty boring.

Kinda Creepy... No, Really Creepy

So Wade told me his friend had cut an article out of the paper a few days ago about these two guys who beat and brutally murder an old man. They had a rape charge (which the paper didn't go into that) and the cops had found them because they had cut off the old mans foot and saved it. (Stupid thing to do) Well the creepy thing about it was a while ago they (Wade and his friend) were talking out by the mortuary which is right next to our aparments. The mortuary is right across the street from a homeless shelter. Well they were standing outside talking and this bum comes up to them and starts talking to them. They could tell he was cracked out of his mind. He was going on about how he wanted to go buy a beer but maybe he wouldn't because he was now sober. But maybe be will because he really wants a beer. And he was staying with one of his friends but only for a little bit. Just a few days. No more than that. He was a total weirdo. Well it turns out that one of the guys who had killed the old man was this weirdo who was living across the street from us. That freaked me out so bad!!! We had one guy a few months ago come to our door late one night. We opened it without looking because Spencer (who lives in the same complex) comes over and hangs out with us or just wants to talk to wade at night. Anyway this guy wanted to borrow our phone to call McDonalds to see when the bus comes into town because he was just over there and the bus hadn't showed up yet. (We live about 1 mile from the McDonalds). Wade told him we had a trackfone and our minutes were out. But there was a Walgreens across the street and they would let him use their phone. (Which if he had walked from McDonalds he would have passed that and many other busiesses. ) Well the guy was kind of upset and Wade told him it was late and he should just go over there because most of us were probablly slepping by now. The guy leaves but instead of walking towards Walgrees he goes to the next apartment. We've just had some weird experiences that kind of freak me out. Now I am freaking myself out while I am at work all alone at night! I better go lock the back door : )

On a different note, our anniversary was nice. We pretty much did everything that we had panned on doing. The day went by too fast but that's okay. I really need a break. I am thinking about saving up some money and maybe just going down to Mesquite for a few nights. That would be so nice. I forgot to bring my energy drink with me tonight and I am so tired. I am about to fall asleep. I think I am going to watch my movie I brought. Kabluey. Yay!

3 years strong

Our anniversary is on the 18th. I can't believe that we've been married for 3 years all ready! I wish that we had money this year to acctually do something and I wish I didn't have to work. That kind of sucks. But we are going to celebrate it tomorrow. I am going to babysit Emery so that will give us some money to go out to eat. Yay! I was going to make some yummy ice cream but I didn't realize how much effort goes into making it so if we have any extra money I think we are going to go to Dairy Queen. That was where we went on our first date. Then we went to Wal Mart and tried to pay the cashier with paper coins. : ) She thought we were serious and she was going to kick us out. I didn't really want the night to end so I suggested we go tp a house. Of course I said my mom has so much tp we can go there and pick some up. Well it was like 1 of 2 in the morning because we went out work (around 10 of 11). Mom was waiting up for me because I didn't call her to tell her I was going to be that late. I was so embarassed. She said I had to stay in even though my car was at DQ.

I think we are going to go to this resturaunt that has fondue and they give you your food on this really hot rock. You just slice off a price of your meat and push it on the rock and then flip it over and cook the other side. Yum!!! We went to a resturaunt like this for my bday a few years ago but they shut down. But they opened this new place up that's just like it so I am excited. Plus we are going to go see The Wrestler. I am so excied to see that. We love the director and have been waiting for a good movie to come out for ever. There's really not much else going on in our lives. Wade still hasn't found any work. There is nothing down here right now. It sucks. I want to go on vacation. But I need money first. Oh well. Well only 38 more minutes and then I get to go home and sleep! Yay!

Another One Bites The Dust

So not much is new in our lives. I might get a manager position. Darwin told me that they are going to give me more responsiblity and a pay raise when he pays off some of his bills : ) That would be nice. We need as much money that we can get. So I've been bored out my mind lately. I got this new app for my iPod that allows you to text for free. I love it but the only thing is it has a limit to how many you can send a day because it was a free app. I am thinking about upgrading to the $6 one because it doesn't have any limits. Plus that is so worth it right? Rather than having to pay $5 a month or more. The only bad thing is that you have to have a wifi connection which kind of sucks. But I would be able to text during work. If anyone else is bored and they feel like testing, you can give me ur cell number and we can text. Oh and if you have google talk, give me ur address so if ur ever on we can talk. Work is so boring and I am kind of getting sick of having to watch movies or play games on my iPod all day.

Here Comes The Bride

We went to a wedding today. It was so cute. It was very untradtional. They guys wore all black except their red ties and black and white hats. The colors were red, black, and white. They had really cute decorations and there were a whole bunch of pictures of the two of them and the girls daughter. Being there was romantic for me. I don't think it was for Wade but he's a guy. I was getting all choked up. It reminded me of how lucky I was to have such a great guy. I was kind of hoping for Wade to be all lovey dovey with me and to look at me with tears in his eyes. : ) I think I have been watching too many love stories. That's okay. He was lovey when we got home. The owners just showed up and they are yelling at their son who was here with me working. They are yelling at him for his grades. How funny. Well I feel weired being on here while they are here. Adiós

I've Got Issues

I have been really bad about my jealousy issues lately. Everytime Wade talks about any girl I always get super jealous. I really don't know why. I know Wade will be loyal and I have nothing to worry about, but it has been getting really bad lately. Got any tips for fixing that? I have really bad self esteam issues and maybe that's what it's all about. Right when he says any other girls name the first thing I think of is why were you around another girl?! And then I calm myself down and think just because he's around a girl doesn't mean anything happened or there are girls out in the world too! Of course he will see some eventually. I was never jealous before. Well no, I take that back. I was a little bit but never this bad. Wade was really jealous when we first got together. I think it rubbed off on it a little. Now he doesn't get jealous often and I get jealous if another girl even looks at him. Oi vay. ANYWAY I think I am getting used to the hotel. I have a love hate relasionship with the night shifts. I love being able to be by self, not have to deal with very many people, get to have little breaks throughout my shift. But I kind of hate the next day. I sleep almost all day or I sleep for a few hours get up and have other things to do during the day ( wash clothes, go babysit, go to a wedding, etc. ) And then when I am done doing the things I have to do I can't make myself fall back asleep. Oh well I can deal with it. I'd rather that than have to work the normal shifts and deal with people 5 days a week. : ) I am becoming a recluse. I love it. All I need is Wade, my family, some food, and a nice bed. And I am happy. Well I am going to finish my movie I brought ( I love netflix!) Maybe I will write more later. We'll see

Growing Pains

Today was a pretty fun day. Kind of. I got off work and went home to sleep for about 2 hours. Drove down to the gas station to help them clean and pack everything up. It's so sad to have nothing there. We took down all the dead animals from the carwash and all of the decorations. It was so bare. They got rid of most of the stuff a few days before. About a week before we closed down, one of the workers (Adelfo) was trying to tell me how much he liked Britin. He said that she had a very good heart and was a very good person. It's funny how he can even notice that even though she has only talked with him a few times. He doesnt speak English very much, and I'm sure that she has only talked with him a little bit. But he could see she had a great heart. Even though they are going to loose their house and they don't have any money, she still gave me a whole bunch of stuff. From drinks to X-mas decorations. Plus she gives me money. So anyway I was talking about my day. I come home after about 3 hours try to go to bed for 3 more hours. Britin calls and asks if I want to babysit. Of course I say yes. I love her kids. And I love babysitting their youngest. (I am the only person besides her parents who has ever watched her) I was going to watch the kids for free tonight because as part of their X-Mas gift i told her they get a free night of babysitting. I tell her this and says no. I better take the money or else I can't watch the kids again ( joking of course ). She said that even though they are loosing their house she has a pretty good job and can afford food for them. Now that Wade is out of work I need all the money I can get. Now I am at work again. I brought 2 movies tonight because last night I had too much free time with only one movie. I don't mind the night shifts. I can acctually take little breaks and go walk outside for a little bit. But tonight the owners are out of town and really watching the cameras. I get here and some one comes in to get a room. The girl drops the price for the guy and he doesn't want it, so he leaves. Right away we get a call from Darwin asking why he didn't take the room and he has been calling me about everything. So now I feel like I can't take a break tonight. Or even go to the bathroom. Which really sucks because I have to go. : ) Even though my shift just started I keep thinking about sleeping. I can't wait until 7. Only 7 more hours to go. It's going to be a rough night. Wish me luck.

Wishful Thinking

I really miss working at OTC. I really loved it there. I know the more I work at the hotel the more I am going to hate it. That's horrible huh? At least I have a job and me and wade aren't both out of work. But I really miss it and all the people I worked with and all the people that came in everyday. I hate working with the public. I want a job where I can just work by myself and not have to deal with annoying up tight people. Wishful thinking. Maybe I am just tired from being up all day. I don't know. I really hope wade finds work. Maybe then I won't have to work. I hate working here. I am hoping for something better but I know I will never find something better. Jeez what a winer huh? Oh well. I only have 20 more minutes left. I'm just trying to make the time go by. I think I am really depressed. Sorry this post is such a downer. I am really emotional lately. <3

Laid off

Everyday I hear about people getting laid off and loosing their jobs. It became a reality to me when Wade lost his job. I figured with my new pay raise and working 7 shifts a week that we would be okay. Plus Wade got his unemployment checks and that would help us out a lot. People tell me everyday that either they or their spouse has lost their job. Well on Monday Aaron and Britin want to talk to me up in their office. I knew right then what was going to happen. I saw how much money was being brought in each day. Everyone knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time. They told me how bad they were hurting and that they've tried to hold on as long as possible but they couldn't any more. Everything was going to be shut down on Wednesday. Britin was crying I was trying not to cry. I was thinking great! Now what I going to do? Live off 200$ a week. That will only pay for rent (barely). And then I started to think about them. They just had a baby. Only Britin has work. How are they going to support themseleves? That is what really makes me sick. We are young. We don't have to support 3 kids. I really hope they will be okay. I love them and I would do anything for them if I could. I am not going to go into anything personal with them for their own sake. Luckily for me I kept the hotel job and Darwin and his wife are nice enough to let me come on full time. That takes so much stress off my back. I am working a lot of night shifts. That's going to be a weird transition. Well work is almost over. I'll write more later.